Going on a Trip

Well, I am going out of town tomorrow, but the big deal is that KB and AB are not coming with me. I have to make a quick 3 day trip to Hong Kong, and I am going out of my mind because it will be the first time I am away from AB. I guess I am really diving in because I will be away from her for more than one day, and I will be in a different country.

I guess I actually have it easy though because AB is in a very whiney stage, and with both of us around we can deal with it in shifts, but there is a very real possibility that KB might loose his mind while I am gone. Yes, he does have it worse...

Restaurant award

Healing

I have been avoiding writing about this on my blog for a while. It is just that the nature of what happened is such a personal thing, but more than that I was just too tender to deal with talking about it. Also, I know that the majority of women go through this at one point in their childbearing years, and knowing that made me feel normal but guilty for making a big deal or saying anything about it. However, here it goes.

Four weeks ago today I had a miscarriage. I am pretty sure I am not alone in this, but I have taken it harder than I expected. I was only 5 weeks along when I miscarried. In fact we did not even know for sure that I was pregnant until earlier that week. Unlike with AB, getting pregnant with this baby was planned, and I promise I knew I was pregnant the day after I actually became pregnant. I was already quite attached.

The day before I lost the baby I had really painful back cramps. I experienced cramps with AB, so I dismissed them as just part of the pregnancy. However when they woke me up in the middle of the night I should have known something was wrong.

On the day of the miscarriage we finished language class around noon, I went to the restroom and I saw one of the worst things that a pregnant woman can see, blood. I swiftly went to my room, laid down and called my sister who did not even know I was pregnant. After convincing her that she need to stop excitedly guessing that I was about to tell her I was pregnant, I told her what was going on. Although I could tell she was hopeful it was nothing, in my heart I already knew what was happening.

My miscarriage was absolutely normal. My body did what it needed to do, and all that was left for me to do was grieve. I know that I was 5 weeks along, but everyone who has ever had a baby really knows those first 2 weeks do not even count. So, technically I had only been pregnant for 3 weeks, so why has this been so hard to deal with? I thought after a week I would be better, but at random times now it hits me and I just can’t hold back the tears.

If you look up the grief cycle of a woman who has miscarried, I fit perfectly. Although I knew I miscarried the baby, in the beginning I still acted like I was pregnant…I was so deluded that I even continued to order maternity clothes on Ebay for 2 weeks post miscarriage. I was also very disturbed that my little baby was flushed down the toilet, yeah I even cried over this. KB was patient with me and he did not say anything about my irresponsible spending habits or me being upset about flushing our baby.

I also became obsessed with getting pregnant again. I started reading into all my bodily functions, trying to convince myself that I was pregnant, that maybe I was one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant like a week after they miscarry. I swung between being convinced I was pregnant and being angry with myself for getting my hopes up. By they way, I am totally not pregnant. That annoying pregnancy test told me so a week ago. Which then led me to my next stage of grieving…

After that annoying pregnancy test told me I was not pregnant again, I became angry about the miscarriage. As far as I was concerned I was supposed to be pregnant right now. I was supposed to be joyfully feeling ill and craving nothing but Mac and Cheese. I was supposed to be thinking of baby names, wondering if we were going to be having another beautiful daughter or our first son. I was supposed to have a newborn baby in my arms this coming fall.

I know the medical reasons for early miscarriages and why I should be grateful that it happened now and not later, blah, blah, blah, but why do people feel the need to tell them to me? Who has convinced them that a grieving hormonal woman wants to hear them? I am a smart girl. I already found all those reasons for myself; I know how to use that wacky Internet machine. Do people think by so graciously informing me, again and again of the reasons, that it is going to make me feel better about NOT BEING PREGNANT? This is one of the reasons I waited to tell people about the miscarriage in the first place. Somehow a lot of people’s brand of sympathy just sounded like torture at the time. A simple, “I am so sorry” is very underrated.

So why have I decided to share this super personal thing on our public blog? First of all, as far as I know most of the people who read our blog are friends and family, people who would probably know about it if I were living in the US. Second, I am ready to move on, I think…and somehow acknowledging it to my friends and family seems like an appropriate move. Thirdly, I was quite forthcoming with a lot of people that we planned to get pregnant just after AB turned one. For their sake I wanted to say something about the miscarriage before they asked for a baby update. At this point I do not feel bad telling friends about the miscarriage, but I know they may feel bad asking about it once they know I miscarried.

I know God does not waste. I know he loved my baby more than I am even capable of. I also know when the time is right I will hopefully have another baby. I am very hopeful.

Our baby was due on Halloween, not quite my favorite day of the year, but from now on I will always remember October 31^st as the day my second baby was to be born. It at least it redeems October 31^st a bit for me.

New Kitchen

Last week a friend helped us order a Dora the Explorer play kitchen for AB. All I knew about the kitchen was the cost and that it was Fisher-Price. When we got it I saw that it was very obviously made for a county that speaks a language that I absolutely do not understand. In fact, I cannot even guess the language it is speaking. Do any of you know?

AB loves her kitchen. It occupied her for a whole hour yesterday and about 30 minutes today. Hopefully the length of her interest is not in a constant downward trend. As a girl I loved my play kitchen, and I wanted to give her something to imagine and play with as well.

Getting Our Lights Fixed...Again

Back in October with the help of some of our friends we got 3 new light fixtures in our apartment. We got new ones because they discontinued the previous fixtures and therefore discontinued the light bulbs.

Last week KB and I were playing with AB in her room when we noticed her light was not attached to the ceiling anymore. The next morning it was just hanging by a wire, and would no longer work. We called back the "light guy." Rather than do whatever he did last time (double sided tape), he used two very long screws and screwed it into our cement ceiling.

Like usual. He did not bring a ladder for himself, and was very surprised that someone who lived on the 5th floor of a building that has no elevator, no closets in which to store a ladder, and has a full maintenance staff would not have a ladder, go figure. So he improvised with some things he found around our house. He is standing on a piece of newspaper, on top of a folding stool, on top of a piece of newspaper, on top of one of our dining chairs. Safe? No, but he did remember to shut off the power to the light before he worked on it this time.

Working

A couple of weeks ago my boss from the U.S. came in to see some new basket factories. This factory apparently has the edge on picnic baskets in this area. These show rooms are meant for their big foreign clients, but they are not climate controlled. One of them was so cold I actually started shivering - that is a wool coat I am wearing.

Pringles

aromatic crispy chicken flavored Pringles

Fun in a Trash Can

I have scoured this city and I cannot find anything that resembles a wooden toy box. I found baskets that function like a toy box, but since she likes to chew on baskets and pull them apart, we decided they were not best for her. I also found some plastic bins that we could put the toys in, but they are surprisingly really really expensive, like three times what I would pay in the United States. So we bought her a few colorful trash cans to put her toys in. As you can see in the pictures, they are not spending a lot of time holding toys. AB prefers to dump out the toys and climb in. She especially likes it when daddy carries her around in the trash can, and daddy thinks it is pretty cute too.

AB and Toby

Although she does not have any brother or sisters to pick on her, she is learning how to defend herself from Toby. She constantly swats him away, and then she gives it right back to him. They get along really well.

Sorry about the annoying sound at the beginning of the video. I have a bad habit of putting my finger on the microphone.

Terrible Horrible Bad Luck with Computers

While living in the US I had a grand total of 2 personal computers. The first computer was given to me by my parents when I went to college. During my senior year our apartment was struck by lightening and my surge protector did not do its duty. Fortunately it only blew out my monitor. I used an old monitor until I bought a Dell laptop when I started graduate school. Neither of these computers gave me problems. Granted, I was wise in how I used them. I never watched downloaded videos, never overloaded them with useless programs, and I certainly never opened suspicious e-mails. In fact, my 7 year old Dell laptop is here with us in Asia. Whenever one or both of our computers fail, it has always stepped in and done its duty. That is right - it is a 7 year old laptop. I think I weights like 15 pounds...it is like brick.

Since coming to Asia our Mac has crashed twice, and is on its second hard drive. We always had problems with our Mac, from the very first day we used it. I think we had a lemon, but since it got a new hard drive it works beautifully. We are now convinced we like our Mac.

Our piece-o-junk brand new Dell has now crashed twice as well. It will be making a return trip to the US in May to get a new hard drive. The Dell worked fine until that fateful day I tried to watch Family Christmas Vacation on it in December. After an online chat with a Dell customer service rep, it was determined it had crashed. I was angry with my computer, and I refused to work on it until last week (three months later). As soon as I reloaded everything and tried to access the internet, it crashed again. Once again I was angry with the computer and let it set for a week. This morning a Dell rep confirmed it needed a new hard drive. Maybe we will get lucky and it will be better than ever once it is fixed.

What is wrong with us? Are we somehow magnetized and thus ruin all of our computers?Argggg. One thing is for sure, we have learned to back-up everything on a biweekly basis. Thank goodness for external hard drives.

Horsing Around

This is what AB is up to.

She enjoys chewing on her sleeves. This is especially easy since she is smaller for her age and all the clothes I bought her in the US over Christmas are huge on her. Yes, sleeve chewing is a new favorite pastime for her.

I was down a few weeks ago, and my sweet language tutor gave me this Ariel tin box to cheer me up. Since having AB I have learned all gifts to me that she deems "cool" immediately become her new toy.

Lastly, she still loves her books.

Not Quite There Yet

AB's hair has begun to grown a little, not much, but a little. I was able to accomplish this fun doo the other day. Have mentioned her aversion to hair bows before? These bows lasted only a minute. When will her hair grow? I cannot wait to do fun things with it!

Also, you are looking at an exact replica of my hair growth pattern, complete with the swirl on the top of the head and the hair that swooshes to the left on the back of the head.

This is a picture of my older sister and me when I was probably AB's age or a few months older. My sister had awesome thick hair, but as you can tell, the AB's lack of hair growth was inherited from me. I think I began to get hair when I was about 2, so AB has about 10 more months before we can expect to see much. I really do not think she cares, but I will go ahead and say it anyways - Sorry Baby!

Do they make those fun bouncy horses anymore?

Services offered at a local hotel

The cosmetology styles hair central

5F: Takes a bath the type guest room

A BIG Change

Something has happened to us recently that has forever changed the way we do things around here, and even though we made the change a couple months back, we are still feeling the impact of it and it really is too good to be true.

We have begun flushing our used toilet paper down the toilet.

For the most part this is a "toilet paper in the trash" society. From what we understand the pipes are just not capable of taking the extra "bulk" of toilet paper. That means that everyone has a lovely little trash can with a lid beside their toilet to deposit the paper in. Sound disgusting? Yes it is, especially when someone has just experienced one of the 10 ways to get a stomach ache. To keep the trash from giving off a certain aroma, the trash should be taken out daily. No one wants to do this, but it must be done...especially before guests come over. Also, it is a unwritten rule that I had to clarify to some visitors from the United States, the used toilet paper is always deposited "sunny side down" - if you know what I am saying.

When we came back from the United States in January, neither KB or myself were ready to resume our T.P in the trash system, so we just pretended to not notice when we "forgot." We kept waiting for the toilet to stop-up, and were prepared to pay the $3 to for the plumber to come and fix it (where is the motivation to not put the T.P. in the toilet when the plumber is $3?). Our friends even had to do this after everything backed up into their bathroom floor. However, it has not happened yet. We have been putting the T.P. in the toilet for almost 2 months, and it continues to flush!

Maybe it is because we purchased a super cool Kohler toilet after our first toilet fell over and broke...as it turns out the person who installed our first toilet did not bolt it to the ground. It was literally just sitting over the hole. Maybe our Kohler toilet is just awesome! Maybe it is because our apartment is a bit newer than the other apartments with smaller pipes. Regardless we are just thanking God for our freedom from the poop trash and will enjoy every moment of freedom that we are granted.

It really is the little things that matter.

Desperately Trying for a Good Picture

In September we visited this woman and her tiny little baby just after she was born. My how she has grown! They really wanted a good picture with AB, but AB has been taking a while to warm up to new people, and this day was no different.

Good enough.

In case of fire...

Glass doors that lead to the stairwell, locked with a bicycle lock, and a hammer hanging on the wall: The fire escape on the 5th floor of the foreign student's dormitory at the university.

So Much Fun

I cannot imagine alone time ever being more fun than AB time.

It does not take much for her to laugh. In fact she usually initiates the laughing because she loves to be chased. She starts the game by walking (supposed to be running) away from us, while looking back at us with that gleam in her eye saying, "please come and get me!" How could we resist? Of course we take off after her, throwing her up in the air as we catch her (usually eliciting a squeal), roll with her on the ground, and the set her on her way. This repeats itself about 10-15 times a day.

The other times she laughs is when we laugh. KB and I may laugh about something said between the two of us, and we will hear AB join us. Then we laugh because she is laughing, and that just keeps the whole thing going for a while.

Her new favorite book is the sing-along book, "The Wheels on the Bus." She brings this book to us about 20 times a day. I think it is her favorite because there are motions involved in this song. Her favorite part is when the people on the bus bounce up and down because she too gets to bounce up and down. The other books she just drops in our lap and walks off. She does not care to sit and look at them; she just wants to hear them. "Five Green and Speckled Frogs" is her favorite book to just listen to.

Her other favorite thing about books are that they apparently taste good. She has ruined the spine of half of her books. Now all of her books have been taped at the spine as either a precaution or to repair them. Her little "lift the flap books" have been hidden away for now since she began to tear off the flaps off. So, yeah she is a little destructive.

She is already a little mommy. Her favorite dolls are her Minnie Mouse, Dumbo, frog, baby doll, and her two Carter's baby dolls. If she is not holding one of them, then she insists that we hold them for her. She will not settle for her dolls to lay on the ground - they deserve better.

AB loves to jabber. The words that we can distinguish are daddy (said the most often), bye-bye, banana, Ahh-Da! (which is somehow supposed to be Toby), and very rarely she says mommy.

Bath time is one of her favorite times of the day. We only have a baby bathtub, so until we can move into an apartment that has a full size bathtub we hope she will continue to fit in the baby tub. She discovered splashing about a month ago, and it just will not stop. I have to bathe her with a towel draped over my clothes. She has gotten so wound up while splashing that she has tipped over backwards twice. Both times her face went under the water for half a second before I was able to pull her up, but it did nothing to hurt her love of baths. As soon as she coughs up any water she inhaled, she wants right back in the water. I MUST find an indoor swimming pool when we are in the US this time next year. I think she will have a blast swimming.

AB likes to open the clean laundry basket (clean laundry waiting till I have time to fold them) and try on the clothes. Her favorite piece of clothes - mommy's panties. She wears them around her neck. It is a great party trick. We are hoping that she will begin to do it on command when people come over - kidding obviously.

She also likes to get in baskets. She will empty out a basket just so she can sit in it for quite a long time. I do not get it, but she thinks it is great.

One of her newest loves is shoes. It does not matter what shoes, but she prefers her shoes and my shoes. I think daddy's shoes are in boring colors are too big for her to carry. She likes to match the shoes and carry them around as a pair. She will dig through her shoe drawer until she finds matching shoes, and sometimes brings them to me to put them on her.

The other day we also noticed her spinning a around a couple of times. Right now she has to think about it too much for it to be fun, but this could be the beginning of her new favorite trick.

She is ticklish on the bottom of her feet. Trimming her toe nails is always a feat because somehow I manage to tickle her and she just can't stay still.

She loves a good massage. We learned early on that AB will lay still for a back rub. For some reason this amuses me to no end. Sometimes I will rub her head, back, arms, legs and feet just to see her relaxed expression. Both KB and I love a good massage, so I guess she was bound to love them as well.

As my mother said when AB was just one day old, "AB got a double dose of stubborn." We do not know, she could be taking after her dad or her mom; we are both pretty stubborn. Her stubbornness is most evident at meal time. It is easier for me to list the foods she does like because that list is much shorter than the foods she does not like. On most days AB likes to eat eggs, cheese, tortillas, bread, mac and cheese, bananas, oatmeal with pumpkin, oatmeal with sweet potato, pancakes, and apple sauce. She also likes pizza, and strawberries, but unfortunately she gets the nastiest rash ever if she eats tomatoes or a ton of strawberries like she did a couple of days ago - we are still paying for that one. She has a definite sweet-tooth; she has yet to taste a desert that she does not like. Also, thankfully, she loves milk.

When I was young I hated people telling me that I was stubborn. I do not know if it helped solidify my stubbornness or what, but I am going to try to never tell AB she is stubborn, maybe then she will not know to be stubborn. You think?

AB keeps us laughing all day long. I never thought a baby could be so entertaining, but our baby is very entertaining to us. She is a million times better than TV or even reading the Twilight series. I just cannot wait to hear what she has to say one day.

Playing Outside

Our 5 minute outing did not begin like this.

We first came out all bundled up, because there was still snow on the ground. As it turns out though, it is was not all that cold.

So AB took off her bling bling gold down coat. There was just one more thing, that darn hat!

Much better. Thank you mommy.

All there is left to do is play!

About 2 seconds later, AB face planted on the sidewalk. It was a combination of wearing tennis shoes on an uneven surface and her yet to be mastered perfect walking abilities. She cried. I picked her up, and that was the end of her first time to "play" outside.

Note on a notebook

There.myson.is love.the love

that makes all things beautiful.

Yes. and breaths divinity

into the very dust you tread.